Story: Emily is a sorority sister who has aspirations to becoming president of her chapter. But her social media stats aren’t great, so obviously that’s what’s holding her back. (Instead of the bullying Grade-A Beeyotch who’s the current prez.) What can a gal do? How about adopt a sweet sloth to boost those sad numbers as voting night approaches? I’m sure they make good pets. [Spoiler, in case you’re new here: DO NOT DO THIS.]
Genre I’d put it in: Brilliantly Batshit Animal Slashers
Release Date: 2023
Remake, Sequel, Based-On, or Original: Oh, this one’s one of a kind, baybeeeee.
Gotta say: If y’all thought I wouldn’t go to the one night only, one show only, multiplex showing of Slotherhouse? Y’all don’t know me. And I am hurt. Slotherhouse is a big ol’ crazy mess, with dropped plotlines, characters we never get to know ’til they die, and a weird shift in sloth characterization (yes I just typed that) that’s absolutely stupid. And? Slotherhouse SLAPS.
Director Matthew Goodhue and writer Bradley Fowler found a premise (I can only assume edibles were involved), and ran with that bitch. I don’t know how this idea was born, but kudos. Slotherhouse transcends the usual monster-animal and college-slasher subgenres by simply leaning in to the absurdity. Our little sloth friend – named Alpha, because Greek life y’all – starts out as a blank-faced Muppet that’s straight out of the wilds, to a fully anthropomorphized creature that can use the internet, slip pills into someone’s drink, drive a car, and successfully wield a samurai sword. Did I mention that this sloth puppet is absolutely, completely, and totally fake looking? Because it is. Note: this is not to diss the FX team working Alpha. This is me noting that my first reaction to this sloth wasn’t to swoon from the cute. It was “WIII-IIIIIIH-GHHHHH”. Because y’all. Alpha got done dirty by that Party City hair. And I love that. This level of awful-on-purpose should be celebrated, and placed right up there with Thankskilling, Ginger Dead Man, Zombeavers, and many other so-stupid-they’re-awesome horrors.
The cast seems to try their best to channel Z-Grade films with their performances, but you can’t fool me. Every once in a while someone slips up and actually shows that they’re trying to roll with the film, giving us a peek at their real chops. (Looking at you, Olivia Rouyre.) Special shout-outs to Sydney Craven as HBIC Brianna, who all but winks at the camera as she chews up the scenery, and our lead Emily, played with determined, no-common-sense perfection by Lisa Ambalavanar. Plus, I want to see more of Bianca Beckles-Rose. As a sorority gal Zenny who “signed up as a joke” (we get brief Suicide Squad-esque social media bubbles of info when each character is introduced)? Her whole-hearted enjoyment every moment she’s on screen is magnificent. I want to see her in all the things.
Yes, Slotherhouse is an absolute mess. As I first mentioned, there’s a lot I would have liked to have seen, perhaps in lieu of a few overly long opening moments? Like how Alpha goes from sweet slothy to genius-level serial killer. Why? Did SHE want to be president? Did she want to go home? The film seems to waffle between all sorts of ideas, choosing none. Plus, I’d have rather seen more moments with the girls bonding, rather than the opening scene of Alpha in the wild. Gimme those fun getting-to-know-you moments like I had in Friday the 13th, Scream, or other slashers. Let me care about these folks.
But Slotherhouse isn’t about a fully fleshed out experience. It’s about getting your besties over to your pad, settling in, and grabbing all the yummy treats (and a few martoonies in honor of House Mother Ms. Mayflower, perhaps?) All the to howl at the silly, stupid, stupendous shenanigans onscreen. Slotherhouse was made for at-home viewing with like-minded people you know. It’s perfect for calling out, shrieking with glee, or just yelling at the characters to Get Out Already. You like your horror comedies big and stupid? Me too, honey. ME TOO.
#Protip: Submitted for your approval; actual 411 on the wonderful three-toed sloth.
And if you’re moved to help stop animal poaching? Here. Charities that actually help. All for you.
